yes/no

cheers to turning 18 and saying 'yes' to many more years to come

A rollercoaster at the 2024 NC State Fair

Reading Shonda Rhimes’s memoir Year of Yes¹ felt like I was staring straight into a mirror. Like Rhimes, I used to really struggle with anything that involved stepping outside my comfort zone.

"…no one can decline an invitation as beautifully as I can."

- Shonda Rhimes, Year of Yes

I said a lot more no’s than yes’s. I appeared to have no innate desire to jump after any opportunity that came my way. Back then, I’d much rather miss out on something I knew would probably serve me well in the long run than have to embody David’s courage and stand up to fight Goliath—Goliath being equivalent to anything that intimidated me the slightest bit. This idiosyncrasy of mine seemed to particularly confound and frustrate my mom, who is the most extroverted of extroverts I know and has apparently never experienced social anxiety in her life.

Rhimes’s sister Delorse was the one who instigated her journey through a year of saying 'yes' to anything and everything that terrified her. But in my case, my mom was my impetus for choosing ‘yes’ over ‘no,’ and it often came in the form of what I imagined as her forcefully shoving me (rather than gently nudging me) out of my realm of safety. My mom would completely deny this to be the case, but this is coming from the perspective of how I felt—which also means it wasn’t quite accurate and was indeed extremely melodramatic.

Yet what I find truly remarkable is how I’m shown time after time again that my mom is almost always (the key phrase here is “almost always”) right. Truth be told, listening to my mom was the best thing I've ever done for myself. And what I listened to was her encouragement for me to take the risk and cross the boundary made up of all my limiting fears.

Of course, this wasn’t—and still isn’t—an easy process at all. Ignoring every blaring siren in my head’s self-defense system is always scary. Always uncomfortable. And almost always makes me want to crawl up into a ball and roll back into my safety zone. But over time, by inching forward in tiny, cowardly steps and putting one foot in front of the other, I’ve learned to walk on the strenuous path toward growth. And yes, going outside my comfort zone can still be daunting. However, each time I step out, it becomes a little bit easier. Goliath begins to seem a little smaller.

And as Rhimes puts it, “doing what scares you undoes the fear.”

As my eyes and mind have gradually opened—and continue to do so—I noticed that the towering walls that once surrounded my comfort zone have shrunk down into approachable gates. When I looked over it, I could see a pathway leading out of barren land and into a prospering garden that expanded endlessly outwards.

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”

- John Assaraf

Time has a strange way of passing in the blink of an eye. I've now arrived at the beginning of adulthood: 18 years old. It's a strange feeling. Nothing—yet everything—has changed. I feel like I'm supposed to act more mature now. Or feel more mature, whatever that’s supposed to mean. I know I’m not the same person I was at the start of middle school. I'm not even the same person I was just half a year ago, or a month ago. I feel like I’ve reached a checkpoint to reflect on my life.

Looking back, these years have been nothing short of an exciting rollercoaster ride, filled with plenty of ups and downs. But moving forward, there’s no more track. I guess I’ll just build it myself.

Rhimes, Rhonda. Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person. Simon & Schuster, 2016.

1. Shoutout to the ingenious Shonda Rhimes: an incredibly gifted writer and television producer (I absolutely adore Grey’s Anatomy and HTGWM), a down-to-earth and inspirational figure, and, above all, a dedicated mother.

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